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Reminisce

Reminisce
the day we first met,
for, it’ll forever be
a great one.
Reminisce
the day we first touched,
because that was
the day
when two people
were entranced,
when they
were enthralled.
Reminisce
those days
for they have now
evanesced.
They, are truant.
And,
in place of
those memories,
there now,
lingered an echo,
a remnant of all
there was
and wasnt,
the fortuity,
and the tragedy.
It’d been devoid
of apprehension,
when it ceased,
but
i wish,
it hadnt.

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Eternity.

and whenever
i look back
on this day,
i will cry,
not out of sadness
but out of joy.
and i will remember
the memories that i spent,
and the moments that went by.
the exhilaration and
the ecstasy,
when it felt
so pure.
and the valience, and
the resilience of
the determined yet
passionate heart,
and these
the assertive yet
servile urges,
to conquer the world.
It was everything,
really,
that I’d cherish, and
never let go of.
this simple, yet raw piece
of my massacred sentiments,
and the eternal gift
of a thousand
immortalised moments,
that i now
obsequiously give,
to you.

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Me.

Makeup, to hide my face.
Makeup, to feel my grace.

Makeup, to enhance my beauty,
Makeup, to mask my snooty.
Why do I always put makeup wherever I go out, why do I always call myself ugly and pathetic ?
Because that’s what I have become.
I, have been damaged, broken, and hurt to an extent which is now beyond repair.
Have you seen my false reality ?
Have you looked inside my heart to see what lays in there ? Apart from disappointment and thoughts of death ?
Have you, or has anyone for that matter, empathised with me ?
Even if you/they have, it has resulted in nothing because I can’t get myself to open up, to share. Im trying so hard, but I am failing.
I feel that you won’t understand me, I know that the thoughts in my mind are so complicated that I, myself can’t understand them sometimes.
You know, I always told people how and what instances happened to me in the past, but not once did I tell anyone how bad they affected me.
Maybe you saw me go through it, maybe you met me this year. If you did, I told you I changed, but I didn’t. I was under an illusion, and thought everything to be fine. I thought that maybe the things that happened to me before won’t repeat again. But they did. In a way that just destroyed me more.
I was lied to, I was unvalued, I was disrespected, I was insulted, I was taunted and I was unwanted.
Apart from very very few people, no one wanted to accept me, they acted in a way that made me feel so dejected about myself that I couldn’t do anything about it.
I am writing this down today, because I have been bottling up my feelings and lying to people saying that I’m fine, since 3 long years now. And i feel that it’s time to finally unleash them.
But for what ? And to whom ?
My anger is destructive, my thoughts are destructive, my actions are destructive and my words are destructive.
The world is a cruel and nasty place, and you know it. It has been unfair to me, and to you, and you know that too, but you got back up stronger, you strived to excel.
I couldn’t. I just kept on falling deep into the void that i wasnt really able to come out of. I care about you, I love you.
But do I show it? No.
Can I show it ? Am I capable enough to show it ? I don’t think so.
And this is where I’m going wrong.
And i know it,
And why am I not doing anything about it ? Because i dont know how to.
I have reached a point in life where I am alive for others and not for myself. And I’m just 16. A kid who didn’t even hit puberty properly yet.

No one can help me with this world, this bubble that I blew around myself. It was fictional, very similar to how I feel nowadays.
And no one can do anything about it till the time I am ready to,
No one can do anything about it until and unless I want to.
And I sometimes don’t want to man. Im happy living in this stupid bubble I call life
I’m happy being sad.
But it does get lonely sometimes, and don’t get me wrong, I want to change, I want to improve, but this is the other side of it that I never knew.
I have been fraught,
My thoughts are in a knot,
Its hard to untangle them,
Because I’m afraid,
That if I try and solve the knot
I will be caught,
In the whirlwind of emotions
That I never sought.

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Well.

That sensational feeling I got,

When u appreciated me.

The ecstasy I felt,

When you said you liked me.

It was like my fantasy,

It was like a dream.

But now I have awoken,

And in my life, there is no gleam.

Because I’m in a world

Where dreams don’t come true.

I’m in a world,

Where fantasies don’t rule.

But I don’t want it to end,

But it looks like I have reached a dead end.

You are someone close,

And I never wanna let you go,

But I guess I have,

Because it was her that you chose.

Yes, it hurt, I admit

Yes, it broke my heart, I admit.

But chances are,

I’m still gonna be the one who’ll regret.

I don’t want to move on,

I don’t want to forget,

I want to freeze time,

Because with you I feel fine.

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It will end. 

He made her realise,

That she had lost her way in life.

She didn’t know what to do,

And the chances to do anything were few.

But they didn’t believe her, they didn’t understand,

She lost her self respect,

All because of a one night stand.

A lot happened in those 2 weeks,

Oh the blame games and the false claims,

Made her re-think about her short tenure in that big place.

And she desperately wanted to get out the rat race

They said she was a good for nothing, cheap girl, who took people for granted, of whom people were sick of giving chances.

Everyone hated her

She deserved it.

She was a screw up,

Who time and again proved it.

She couldn’t keep friends,

She couldn’t follow trends,

And all she could do was to lament.

Still, she didn’t mend her ways !

And it seemed as if every word and action spoke against her now a days !

And no matter how good her intentions were,

Something bad always came up in a hundred different ways.

Her past stopped her from moving forward,

And the people who drifted apart from her were the ones who made her stronger.

She was done with it all;

But she refused to fall.

suicide, love, care, nevertoolate

Think again.

You never know at what point you might need someone’s help. And it’s never too late to ask for help and its definitely not a bad thing. Asking for help means you are brave enough to talk about it, instead of losing your self in the world of alcohol and drugs.

What we do to ourselves because we think is the right thing to do, has an effect on all the people around us.

You can’t waste your life away like this. Because when you’re doing so, the lives of people around you gets disrupted. you become the rotten vegetable of a sack. You make others rot and lose their own value as well.

Its tough to understand why you think you have no choice or rather no way out. That is the wrong perception and an even wronger approach to life.

We always have a choice. Always. And if we ever think of a problem as a situation with no exit, then we need to change the way we think. Because we can always ask for help. And there will always be some one around you who loves you, who cannot afford to lose you, and that person will get you all the help you need. Trust me. That one person will go out of his/her way to make sure you sleep peacefully at night.

Killing yourself should never even be a thought. Because there is always some one out there who cares about you more than everyone else and would be aghast to lose you.

So please, think again.
– Aashima Gautam

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Dillema

Oh darling. Tell me if I have gone wrong.

Tell me if I am not good enough.

Tell me if you are not happy with me anymore.

Tell me what I lack.

Just let me know why you are pushing me away.

When you see my text and don’t open it, what goes on in your mind ?

When you leave me on read, when you don’t answer my calls,

When you said you’ll try your best,

Why is it that I fall ?

When you told me I was your life,

When you thanked me for walking into your life,

When you talked about making me your wife,

I felt complete.

But now I guess you have taken a backseat.

Why do you do this ?

Why do you give false hopes ?

What joy do you get in making me mope ?

It’s a sad life.

It’s a cruel world.

But all I can think about is,

How I have it a lot worse.

Standing on a cliff,

Hanging on by a strand of hope

That could break any moment.

Because in fact, it all depends on you.

Do you know what I fear the most ?

What I feel when I am hanging on that strand of hope for my dear life ?

I feel like an object, violated by all means.

I feel like I could fall in the dark valley and never be able to come out.

I feel like I could be pulled back, but the chances of falling are more.

Why don’t you look at me, and see what I am going through because of you ?

For once atleast.